I think your ex-boyfriend’s brother sounds like a great guy, and he is wise beyond his years. Here’s the thing. Most high school relationships end, and rather quickly. You already know that because your relationship with the first brother ended.

Brother #2 realizes that brothers are for life- and girlfriends are not. He would never choose to hurt his brother by dating you. It would be awkward and weird and he just does not want to get into that kind of mess. It’s not worth it because in six weeks when the two of you break up, the relationship will be over and you will move on. But his relationship with his brother could be damaged for life and that is not cool.

Sounds like Brother #2 is a decent, caring guy. Unfortunately no matter how much you like him, you have to walk away. If you date him, all the things that make him a decent guy will be gone and you’ll be dating a selfish jerk. So do both of you a favor and move on from this family completely.

First, think about why you think he is cheating. Is he acting differently or is it just that you have been cheated on in the past? If you have been cheated on before, it’s easy to assume that you will be cheated on again. That means you aren’t giving your boyfriend enough credit and before you know it, he will be cheatin on you because you never trusted him and he is on happy - that is called a self-fulling prophecy.

On the other hand, if you really just have a guy feeling that something is not right, you may want to look for some certain signs.

If you always used to have time to hang out after school but now he’s always busy, there is a chance that he is seeing someone else. Of course, it could also just mean he needs a little space and wants some time with the guys.

If he gets really, really mad at you if you try to look through his phone, that is a sure sign that he is cheating. There really is no other reason a guy would not want you to look through his phone. Especially if you always used to do it and now suddenly he freaks out if you even touch the thing.

On the same note, if he gets calls while you are together but he doesn’t answer them, he could be cheating.

The biggest tip of all is when he cancels plans on Friday because he’s grounded but then a friend mentions seeing him at the movie theater or somewhere else. If he’s lying to you so he doesn’t have to spend time with you, it’s very likely that he is cheating on you.

Baby steps, my friend, baby steps. First off all, you do talk to girls every day. Odds are, you have a mother and you have female teachers at school. It may be hard to believe but they were girls once, too. Also, I’m sure that you have friends who are girls that you talk to without getting nervous.

Second, you don’t want to just walk up to any random girl and just start talking. Her “stalker” radar will go up and she’ll be gone so fast it won’t matter what you wanted to say. You need to start talking to girls who you have something worth saying to, not just total strangers. For example, to get comfortable talking to different girls, you can start with a girl in your history class who you don’t usually talk to. Say something like, “Wow, that test was hard. What did you think?” You are both already thinking about the test so it’s an instant conversation starter. Before you know it, you are talking to a girl you never talked to before.

Then you just start looking for these kinds of oppurtunities every where you go. That girl who has the locker next to yours. A girl who is in band with you who you have never spoken to before. Everywhere you go, there will be girls who you have something in common with. If you didn’t both love the same music, you wouldn’t be at the same concert. So use the concert as a jumping point for a conversation.

Always start with that common thread of something you have in common with the girl, and it will be easy to strike up a conversation and get talking. And the more you do it the easier it will be.

Next weekend I am going to be forced to see my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend - who just happens to be my ex-best friend. How do I handle this situation?

- Don’t Wanna See Them

Oh man, that’s a double blow. You lost not only your boyfriend but your best friend all in one shot. That’s horrible and selfish and I sure do hope you find a new best friend who is a little more loyal than that other girl!

But anyway, on to the actual question. You need to first off all make sure you are looking your absolute best. You don’t want them to think that you are so upset over losing both of them that you have become ogre-like in appearance. Get your hair cut and colored if you have time. Buy a new outfit. Get some new lip gloss or anything else you can do to make yourself look nice and feel more confident about this impending meeting between you and the ex-boyfriend.

Next, get busy doing some cool stuff or making plans to do some cool stuff. It’s inevitable that they will ask what you have been up to and you don’t want to just babble on with something like “Well, ya know, not much.” You want to be able to say “I have been so busy! I saw that new movie and next week I’m starting a painting class. Oh, and I’ve been taking tennis lessons at the Y. It’s been a blast lately!”

Whatever you do, make sure you are the bigger person. We already know that your ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend are low-life scum, right? Don’t stoop to their level. Don’t get ugly about it. Simply talk about how good things are. It’s OK to imply that you are better off without them but you don’t actually have to come out and say it. Be the grown up here and walk away with your head held high.

I am dating this new guy, Jay. He is truly a good guy. He says that he loves me but I had my heart broken once before so hearing that scares me. I don’t think Jay would ever purposely heart me and I don’t want to push him away but I don’t want to be hurt.

Want To Be In Love

OK, here’s the thing. How long ago was your heart broken? It sounds like this was a pretty recent occurrence in your life, right? And the simple truth is that you can’t get over a heart break in just a few days or weeks. Sometimes it takes months and in rare cases it can take years. You said this Jay guy is really great and amazing. And to top if off, he loves you. But it sounds like you are just not ready for that yet.

I think you need to break it off with Jay. I know it’s hard to let go of a good guy! But the fact is that you don’t love him the way he deserves - you can’t yet. You are still healing from your last hurt. So be honest with Jay. Tell him that you are not quite ready to be in another relationship, but you sure hope he’s still around when you are because he’s amazing and he deserves more than sitting around waiting on you to get over your ex.

My ex-girlfriend told me that she isn’t in love with me anymore but she still wants to be my best friend. I think we need space because I still lover her but she wants to stay close. What do I do?

- Need Space To Heal

Here’s the thing. She’s not your girlfriend anymore. By her own choice, she gave up the rights to anything that a girlfriend gets to do - like have an input on who you spend time with. That means she no longer has the right have any impact on your life whatsoever. She can’t tell you anymore that she wants to be your best friend and that you need to stay close. She’s being mean. She wants to keep you close to keep reminding you that she doesn’t really love you anymore. She wants to have her cake and eat it, too. And as you will quickly learn, that just doesn’t happen in most cases.

You need a clean break from her. You are obviously hurting and need some time to heal from this ex-girlfriend and this break up. You have to “man up” and tell her that you are not going to be her best friend, or hang out with her at all because it hurts too much. It’s OK to say that.

Once you tell your ex-girlfriend that you no longer want to be friends, follow through. If you are not busy, you will be tempted to hang out with her again and the hurt will start all over again. You have to be fill your calendar, every day for the next three or four months, with things to do. Join a gym, play a new sport, start going to church, join new clubs at school, take an art class, learn to skateboard. Do anything and everything you can think of to keep yourself busy so she can’t sneak in and say “Let’s just hang out this one time.” You won’t have to stay strong and resist her because you already have plans and your are too busy.

The best part of being that busy is that you will meet tons of new people and maybe even find a new girlfriend - one who shares your new found interests, which could lead to a longer lasting relationship!

Sincerely,
Confused Country Girl

Dear Confused,

If you already told the new boyfriend that you would go to prom with him, then you need to do what you said you would do. That is assuming that you already paid for tickets and picked out a dress! If prom is still far off in the distance be honest and tell the new boyfriend you changed your mind - teens are allowed to do that in relationships! Wait at least a week before officially starting anything new with the old boyfriend, just to be courteous.

Now, if you already have tickets to prom, it’s a little more sticky. You need to be honest with guy #2. Tell him you said you would go to prom with him and you still will - but only as friends. Tell him you don’t think you can be more than that. If he agrees, then you guys go to prom together. Here’s the hard part - your old boyfriend can’t become your current boyfriend until after prom. This will make sure that there are no awkward situations when prom rolls around!

Need more teen relationship advice? Contact chelle@myteenadvice.com

Sincerely,
Lost Without My Phone

Dear Lost,

You left out some vital information in your question. That information is - who pays for your cell phone? If you actually pay for it every single month without fail, then technically, your parents can’t take it away because you are the one with the legally binding contract for that phone.

However, most likely your parents are footing the bill for your phone, right? That means the phone is theirs to take away at any time - bad grades or not. Unfortunately, that means you have no phone and that stinks! Luckily in this day and age there are so many ways to keep in touch, you can get by without it. You just might have to pick up that good old land line and call your friends. Or maybe you’ll have to resort to using Instant Message of some sort.

Of course, that doesn’t get to the root of the problem. Your parents are concerned about bad grades. That means you normally get good grades. So maybe, just maybe, if you are honest with yourself you will have to admit that you spend a little too much time sending texts to your friends and not enough time studying biology. Prove to your parents that you can get better grades and you’ll have your phone back in no time!

Need more teen relationship advice? Contact chelle@myteenadvice.com