Dear Chelle,

My ex-girlfriend told me that she isn’t in love with me anymore but she still wants to be my best friend. I think we need space because I still lover her but she wants to stay close. What do I do?

- Need Space To Heal

Here’s the thing. She’s not your girlfriend anymore. By her own choice, she gave up the rights to anything that a girlfriend gets to do - like have an input on who you spend time with. That means she no longer has the right have any impact on your life whatsoever. She can’t tell you anymore that she wants to be your best friend and that you need to stay close. She’s being mean. She wants to keep you close to keep reminding you that she doesn’t really love you anymore. She wants to have her cake and eat it, too. And as you will quickly learn, that just doesn’t happen in most cases.

You need a clean break from her. You are obviously hurting and need some time to heal from this ex-girlfriend and this break up. You have to “man up” and tell her that you are not going to be her best friend, or hang out with her at all because it hurts too much. It’s OK to say that.

Once you tell your ex-girlfriend that you no longer want to be friends, follow through. If you are not busy, you will be tempted to hang out with her again and the hurt will start all over again. You have to be fill your calendar, every day for the next three or four months, with things to do. Join a gym, play a new sport, start going to church, join new clubs at school, take an art class, learn to skateboard. Do anything and everything you can think of to keep yourself busy so she can’t sneak in and say “Let’s just hang out this one time.” You won’t have to stay strong and resist her because you already have plans and your are too busy.

The best part of being that busy is that you will meet tons of new people and maybe even find a new girlfriend - one who shares your new found interests, which could lead to a longer lasting relationship!